dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
