we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
