So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
