Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize