She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
