There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
