JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
