all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
