I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
