dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
