She is in my trunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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