i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
