Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You smell like stripper and shame
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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