how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize