So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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