I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
