haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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