hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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