Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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