The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
