Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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