She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
