remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
