what day is it and did you see me today?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
