we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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