Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
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the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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