i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
