Where did you get a picture of my penis
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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