is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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