i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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