doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
