just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
