i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
