So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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