Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
