So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
