Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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