note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
