The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want nice things and good sex
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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