did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
third nipple confirmed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
