my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
