How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
