I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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