i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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