I hope mine doesn't look like that
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
