Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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