I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say đ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
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