Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
