Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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