OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
