I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
