i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
