What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
