she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
