I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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