Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
