Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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