JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
