So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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