I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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