I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
