He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just want to make out with him forever
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
