I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
